What a Grimm Fairy Tale
by AvidAkiraReader
Summary: Inspired by Grimm. Rated T for some commentary by Peach and Zelda. Story of the day: Help from Plucky. Later in these tales, men and women may crossdress.
1. Hans the Hedgehog

What a Grimm Fairy Tale

**Yes, yes I KNOW! People have done this before, namely Pikana and others, but these are sort of different. I intend to use others. You'll still see Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty ones, but I'm starting with this one: Hans the Hedgehog.**

**Disclaimer!**

**Sonic: …She doesn't own anything…**

**Commentary will be said today by… Snake and Sonic!**

**The bolded letters are the commentary and the **usual letters** are the story.**

**

* * *

**

**Hans the Hedgehog**

**Or**

**Sonic the Hedgehog**

**::**

**Sonic: I've never even heard this story before!**

**Snake: Neither have I, but if you don't shut it we'll never hear!**

**::**

There was once a man who lived in the country named Red, who had plenty of money and land, but no children. Out of all of those things named, Red wanted a child.

::

**Sonic: How does this fit with me?**

**Snake: Damn…Red wants a child? **

**::**

Every time he went into Smashville, the other peasants mocked him because he had no children. One day, Red could not handle the mocking anymore and said when he got home, "I will have a child, even if it is a hedgehog!"

::

**Sonic: *Choke***

**Snake: Oh my –laughs- oh my GOD!**

**Sonic: Why you...!**

**::**

Suddenly, Nana, his wife, had a child. However, this child wasn't like any other child, it was a half boy half hedgehog. His upper half was a hedgehog, but his lower was a boy's. But what was worse was that the upper body was _blue._ When Nana saw him, she was terrified out of her wits, and said, "LOOK! YOU HAVE BROUGHT ILL ONTO US!"

But Red replied, "Nothing can change him, my dear. The boy must be christened, but we will not be able to get a godfather for him."

Nana retorted, "We can't call him anything else except for Sonic the hedgehog."

::

**Snake: Now I see why it's called "SONIC the hedgehog!"**

**Sonic: My mother isn't Nana and my father isn't Red! And that name is completely out of the blue! What's wrong with this story!**

**::**

After he was christened, Red said, "He can have no ordinary bed, his spikes will pierce the sheets."

And so little Sonic had to sleep behind the stove, on a pile of straw.

::

**Snake: Hobo.**

**Sonic: Shut up!**

**::**

His mother would not suckle him, for she was afraid that Sonic would prickle her. So Sonic laid behind the stove for eight years, and Red said to himself, "How I wish that child would die!"

But the Halfling would not die; he remained behind the stove for another eight years.

::

**Sonic: Wouldn't I die by then?**

**Snake: No, they gave you stuff to eat probably…**

**::**

One day there was a fair, and Red decided to go to it. He asked Nana what she wanted form their and she replied, "Some steak and eggplants, my love." Then he turned to his son, hiding his revulsion, Red asked, "And what would you like, my son?"

Sonic replied, "Some red running shoes, father!"

So Red went to the fair and arrived home with the eggplants, steak, and shoes. Giving the first two to his wife, he finally handed the shoes to his child.

When Sonic had the shoes in his hands, he garbed his feet with them. At last, he went to Red and said, "Dear father, if you give me Snake, our anaconda, I will leave home and never come back."

::

**Snake: *Looks horrified***

**Sonic: *Doubling over with laughter***

**Snake: Maybe I'll eat you…**

**Sonic: *Turns to stone***

**::**

Red was happy because of this, and willingly gave Snake away. Sonic ran to the forest in his red running shoes with Snake, but also took a herd of Foxes and Wolves with him which he intended to keep in the forest.

When he arrived in the forest, Sonic sent Snake high up in a tree and stayed below, running around the forest with his Foxes and Wolves, to hunt for things to eat.

He did this for four years, and suddenly, a king became lost in the large forest.

This man's name was Link, famous for his malice towards the poor.

Sonic spied on him from the tree, and rapidly went towards him.

Link jerked his entire body backwards when he saw Sonic, but collected himself quickly and asked the strange creature whether he could lead him to his kingdom.

Sonic replied with a yes, but demanded that Link should write a bond and promise him whatever he met first in the courtyard was his as soon as he arrived home. Link agreed to this, but secretly thought, '_This Halfling understands nothing, and therefore I shall write that he should NOT have what he wants.'_

::

**Sonic: This man…**

**Snake: You mean Link…**

**Sonic: …is an idiot**

**Snake: Agreed.**

**::**

When Sonic led the king towards his kingdom, Link got safely home and saw his daughter in the courtyard. Remembering his promise to the Halfling, he told his daughter, Samus, all about it.

Samus was of course horrified that her father had done this, until Link reassured his daughter that he wrote that Sonic wouldn't get what he wanted, thus, the daughter was comforted.

"I would never, ever go with that Halfling! You have done well, father." Samus declared, hugging her father.

Of course, during all this time, Sonic went back to his forest, and continued breeding his Foxes and Wolves.

::

**Sonic: Why am I called 'Halfling'?**

**Snake: *Shrugs* Beats me.**

**Sonic: And why do I breed 'Foxes and Wolves'?**

**Snake: You do realize it means your breeding Fox and Wolf?**

**Sonic: Che. Sucks for them.**

**::**

After a few years, his Foxes and Wolves were overfilling the forest; therefore Sonic sent all of them back to the town, except for Snake.

Of course, the Foxes and Wolves killed off the swine and donkeys, making Sonic's old father, Red, come outside.

"What do you want, Halfling?" Red yelled in a hoarse voice.

Sonic yelled back, "If you do not kill my Foxes and Wolves, I will never return!" Red paused for a moment, but agreed after discussing with Nana.

So Sonic went back living in the forest for years, until another king came along, lost. However this time, the king, named Ike, was more famous for his kindness towards the peasants.

"Could anyone lead me to my kingdom?" He shouted up to the branches, expecting no one to answer.

"Yes, but I require payment." Sonic's voice came down unexpectedly, and Ike tilted his head up.

"Ah, then say your price." Ike said. Suddenly, a blue hedgehog's head popped from the foliage of leaves.

"Write a bond and promise me that whatever you meet first in the courtyard as soon as you arrived home is mine." Sonic demanded once again.

::

**Sonic: That's so…Lame.**

**Snake: I know. You just ask for whatever he meets first in his courtyard? That's stupid. Not to mention that you just repeated the same thing you asked Link.**

**Sonic: SHUT UP!**

**::**

Ike agreed to this, even if it was a little risky. When he wrote it down, Sonic willingly took him home.

Once Ike arrived back at his kingdom, he went straight to his courtyard, back straight, head high. No matter what, he told himself, he will hold his promise.

First thing he saw? His own daughter, Zelda.

::

**Sonic: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?**

**Snake: *coughs* First Samus, now Zelda? Damn Sonic, you're a ladies' man!**

**Sonic: Oh shut up….**

**::**

After Ike told his daughter what he had done, he felt ashamed. But Zelda hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, finally telling Ike that for the love of her father, she would go willingly with the Halfling should he come to the kingdom.

::

**Snake: *Mocking* Aww…you're going to get hitched to a full human, **_**Halfling.**_

**Sonic: I wonder what will happen to **_**you,**_** my dear **_**anaconda.**_

**::**

A year passed by in the woods, and Sonic decided to go with Snake to the first kingdom. But little did he know that Link had ordered the men to kill, maim, injure, attack, and other hideous things to Sonic should he actually arrive.

When Sonic arrived at the first kingdom, he was met harshly, but sent Snake to sacrifice himself while he went to meet the king.

::

**Snake: *shocked* Wh-wh-WHAT THE HELL?**

**Sonic: HA! Eat that Snakey!**

**::**

"King, you have promised whatever you first met in your courtyard was to be mine, fulfill it!" Sonic yelled at Link, who was with his daughter looking pale.

Link covered his hand over Samus' hand. "You shall never take my daughter Halfling!"

Sonic smirked…

::

**Snake: Che, why do these fairytales always include something about a princess?**

**Sonic: Because it's a fairy tale anaconda.**

**Snake: Halfling.**

**Sonic: Sacrifice!**

**Snake: Ladies' man!**

**Sonic: Um. Oh darn I can't think of anymore!**

**Snake: To take a leaf out of your book, "You're too slow!"**

**::**

…and retorted in a loud voice, "Then I will kill you! Using my faithful anaconda, Snake!" Samus turned pale at this threat, and her father whispered urgently to her, "You must go with him my dear, or we will both die!"

So Samus donned a silk white wedding dress, and went to her new husband. Link despaired at the thought that he may never see his daughter again, but was surprised at the events that were happening right now.

Both bride and groom had walked to the top of the hill when Sonic suddenly said, "This will be the reward for your father's falseness. Begone! I will not have you as my bride!" And so Sonic kicked Samus, and she rolled all the way down from the hill, gathering sticks and twigs, and not to mention mud, on her white dress and blonde hair.

Therefore, Samus was disgraced for the rest of her life.

::

**Snake: Tch. Where'd I go?**

**Sonic: Pff. You obviously died!**

**Snake: Mhm. **

**::**

Sonic then went to the second kingdom, where the second king Ike had ordered the men to greet any Halfling kindly, wish him a long life, and to welcome him into the castle.

The Halfling entered the throne room where the king and Princess Zelda were sitting in. Zelda was wearing white, and was frightened at Sonic's form, but got over it remembering her promise.

Willingly, she went to Sonic…

::

**Snake: 10 dollars you get scored.**

**Sonic: Perverted man.**

**::**

And they went to bed together, but the princess was afraid that Sonic would prick her with his spikes. But Sonic reassured her, and said to Ike, "At the time of eleven, I will shed my hedgehog part, and your men must layer me with salves until I turn white."

**::**

**Snake: That's incredibly gross.**

**Sonic: I like being a hedgehog thank you very much!**

**::**

When the clock struck eleven, Sonic magically pulled his top half of the body off like clothing, and look!

::

**Sonic: AT WHAT?**

**Snake: Shut up!**

**::**

Sonic was a pale white on his human half, but his upper body was a dark blue.

::

**Snake: *Choking with laughter***

**Sonic: *Tears in his eyes***

**::**

So Ike's healers layered his upper half with magical salves, and soon his body turned into a similar shade of his lower body.

And so the princess and the now perfectly human Sonic, lived happily ever after.

But wait!

::

**Sonic: What the heck?**

**::**

Sonic and his newly named wife, who he nicknamed, Amy, went back to the town where he was born.

::

**Sonic: NO!**

**Snake: YES!**

**::**

They knocked on Sonic's old home, and Red, an old, grizzled man by now, came out with Nana.

::

**Sonic: MAKE IT END!**

**::**

"Be gone from my home! I do not have a son!" Red cried out when Sonic told him he was his old son.

"I'm your-!"

::

**Sonic: THAT'S IT! NO! NO MORE!**

**Snake: You are so no fun…**

**::**

**

* * *

**

**Unfortunately, I didn't want to continue this part, but I hope you enjoyed the fairy tale!**

**And by the way, this is an actual fairy tale? I have a book full of them by Grimm!**

**So no flames, please?**

**P.S- This was purely for fun, RER! Read, Enjoy, and Review!**

** -Akira**


	2. Sweet Porridge And Bonus!

What a Grimm Fairy Tale

**Next story is Sweet Porridge! **

**Sweet Porridge**

**I don't own anything. Commentary by Kirby and Ike. Note that any references from anything don't belong to me, as I said in the beginning. Note again, that this is an actual fairy tale; it just never came out that famous.**

**The commentary is dedicated to Sonar, I really thank her for these Smash characters! **_**Never would of thought of it… Kirby and Ike…**_

**Before this story begins, feel free to suggest commentaries!**

**Bolded words = Commentary**

Usual = Story

_**Bolded and italicized = what Kirby is actually saying**_

_**:B.I: =What I'm saying.**_

**::**

**Kirby: Hi? (**_**Is there porridge in this story?)**_

**Ike: Huh?**

**Kirby: Hi, hi, hi! (**_**Is there porridge in this story!)**_

**Ike: Kirby I can't understand you….**

**::**

There was once a poor little pink puffball named Kirby, who lived with his poor blue, puffball mother, who lived in a poor village.

::

**Kirby: Hi? (**_**Blue, puffball mother?)**_

**Ike: …What?**

**Kirby: Hi, hi! **_**(Who is my mom?) **_

**Ike: *Groans***

**::**

Soon, the poor family ran out of food, and Kirby began to whine for food.

"Hi!" he cried out in hunger.

::

**Ike: …**

**Kirby: HI! *Angry at being starved* (**_**WHAT!)**_

**Ike: Kirby?**

**::**

So his mother, Meta Knight…

::

**Kirby: Hi! (**_**Meta!)**_

**Ike: Kirby?**

**Kirby: Hi! Hi! Hi! (**_**Meta! Meta! Meta!)**_

**Ike: What are you saying?**

**Kirby: Hi? (**_**Meta?)**_

**Ike: GAH!**

**::**

…went out into the forest and met a woman who knew of their hunger. This woman looked like a hag, who was named Peach.

"Come here, woman, and I'll stop your hunger, along with your son." Peach said, beckoning her to come closer. Willingly, Meta Knight inched closer to the elderly lady, and Peach's wrinkled hands shot out to hand over a cracked, clay, small bowl.

Whispering with cracked lips over at Meta Knight's nonexistent ears, "Cook little bowl, cook." And the little bowl filled itself with warm, sweet porridge. When it was up to the brim, Peach murmured again, "Stop little bowl." And it stopped.

Peach turned misty blue eyes towards Meat Knight's yellow ones. "You must say it calmly, or the bowl will fill itself too quickly and overflow."

::

**Ike: Magic?**

**Kirby: Hi… (**_**Maybe…)**_

**Ike: *Eyebrows raised***

**::**

So Meta Knight brought the little cracked bowl over to her son Kirby, and said to the bowl, "Cook little bowl, cook." The bowl filled beneath Kirby's fascinated blue eyes.

"Hi hi!" Kirby exclaimed in childish pleasure.

::

**Kirby: Hi! (**_**YAY!)**_

**Ike: So, so you're glad that you ate?**

**Kirby: Hi! (**_**YEP!)**_

::

So he supped loudly at the porridge, and soon, the little bowl became famous.

::

**Kirby: Hi! *smiling* (**_**YAY!)**_

**Ike: … *Twitch***

**::**

One day, Meta Knight went out into the forest when Kirby's friends, Toon Link and Red, came over.

"Wow Kirby! That little bowl is magic?" Red said excitedly. Kirby nodded back.

Toon Link sidled in and slyly asked, "Does it really work?"

Kirby turned his pink head towards him, and shouted, "Hi! Hi, hi, hi!"

::

**Kirby: HI! (**_**IT DOES WORK!)**_

**Ike: Kirby…? **

**Kirby: Hi, hi HI! (**_**Ike, you know it WORKS!)**_

**::**

Kirby whispered to the little bowl, "Hi, hi, hi!" The bowl filled eagerly towards the brim, and Kirby said, "Hi! Hi, hi!"

But it did not stop. The bowl continued to overflow, and it started flooding the house.

People heard the shrieks of the children inside the house, and a man named Ike, rushed over to the front door and opened it harshly.

Porridge. Tons, and tons of porridge came submerged Ike in its sweet smell.

::

**Kirby: Hi! Hi! (**_**Porridge! Porridge!)**_

**Ike: …**

**::**

This continued for a few hours, inundating streets, buildings, and houses except for one. Meta Knight came out of the forest, puzzled until she saw the bowl, sailing over a wave of porridge. She swooped over there and snatched the bowl.

Mumbling to its rim, Meta Knight said, "Stop little bowl, stop."

And so the little bowl stopped overfilling its rim, and whoever wanted to go into the town now had to eat their way in it.

The end.

::

**Kirby: Hi! Hi, hi! (**_**Yay! Best story ever!)**_

**Ike: GAH! STOP THIS MADNESS!**

::

::

::

The Wolf and the Man

Or

Wolf and Men

**Yeah. I felt that "Sweet Porridge" was a little short for you guys, so I'm adding this one.**

**I still don't own anything. Wolf and Fox are commentary for this one! Once again, this story exists.**

**::**

**Fox: Right…**

**Wolf: Why am I included in this story?**

**Fox: Because people just **_**love**_** cuddly wolves.**

**::**

One day, Fox was talking to his friend, Wolf, about the strength of Man. "No animals, can withstand Man, and must use their cunning to hold their own against them." Wolf answered back, "Then my friend, if I ever see a Man, I shall attack him all the same."

"Well, I can help you with that my good friend." Said Fox, "Come by to my den tomorrow…

::

**Fox: …*Choke***

**Wolf: *Retch***

**Fox: We aren't friends!**

**Wolf: Agreed.**

**::**

…and I will show you Man." He ended. Wolf agreed to this, and went back home. Tomorrow came quickly, and Wolf traveled quickly to Fox's home.

"Fox! Come on out and show me Man!" Wolf howled at Fox's den. Blearily, Fox opened the door, and poked his furry, orange head out of his den.

"Alright Wolf, let's find Man." Fox muttered, and accompanied Wolf along to a path where a Hunter traversed daily.

::

**Wolf: Lazy thing.**

**Fox: I hope you get owned by Man.**

**Wolf: Why do we capitalize 'Man'?**

**Fox: Because it's MAN!**

**::**

First, they met an old, discharged, brown-haired doctor named, Dr. Mario. He stumbled across the rocky road, over a small hill, and disappeared from sight. Wolf turned to Fox curiously and asked, "Was that Man?"

Fox shook his head, "No, he was been a Man."

::

**Wolf: So basically, we're finding a young man?**

**Fox: Yep.**

**::**

After that, both of them met a young boy with blond hair going to school. Humming happily to himself, Lucas went over the small hill rapidly, and vanished from sight. Again, Wolf asked, "Was that Man?"

Fox replied, "No, he is going to be a Man."

::

**Wolf: First Dr. Mario, now Lucas?**

**Fox: Just accept that you don't know the difference between men and boys.**

**Wolf: *Shoulders slumped***

**::**

At last, the Hunter made his appearance. His name was Snake…

::

**Wolf: I'm getting owned by Snake?**

**Fox: Ha! Apparently, it fit because the original Hunter had a knife and gun!**

**::**

…And Fox shoved Wolf in front of the Man, and whispered, "Here! Attack him while I go back to my den!"

Fox then dashed home to his safe, cozy den, not wanting to see what would be the consequences for his good friend, Wolf.

**: Snake's view! :**

When Snake first saw the wolf out there, he sighed, "I must be cursed if I went out of home without my rifle, but at least I have backup!" Snake patted his leather sack, comforted that he had something to defend himself with.

_**: Tch, so stupid…:**_

So Wolf attacked Snake, but was at first frightened by the man's gun. Firstly, Snake had calmly raised his Nerf double barrel shotgun, and shot a foam shell at Wolf.

::

**Fox: Whoa, whoa, whoa. **_**Nerf!**_

**Wolf: Yeah…The author likes Nerf guns…**

::

As this didn't scare Wolf away, Wolf once again attacked Man. Snake then shot Wolf with his Airsoft, straight in the face. Now this really, really hurt because it hit Wolf's nose.

But…Like any other wolf that's enraged, he kept on attacking. But then, Snake finally took out his shiny hunting knife.

::

**Wolf: …**

**Fox: You **_**are**_** going to die, yes?**

**::**

Snake threw the hunting knife at Wolf, which barely hit his ribs. Frightened, Wolf ran away back to Fox's den.

::

**Wolf: NO!**

**Fox: Che, afraid of Snake?**

**::**

Fox was stretched out on his rug, growing bored at waiting for his friend. And just as he was thinking about how sad it would be if Wolf had died, Wolf entered his den, panting from exertion.

The orange vulpine inquired, "And how did your encounter with Man go?" Wolf's furry, gray head hung down, and he muttered inaudibly, "I was harshly received."

At first, Fox didn't understand what he meant, but after a few minutes he started howling with laughter.

_**:Note that puns aren't intended:**_

"So my good friend, you were owned by Man?" Fox managed to choke out. Wolf sulkily nodded. "Then, Wolf, you have learned your lesson?" Fox asked, trying to keep a straight face on.

"Yes, Fox. I learned not to underestimate Man…" Wolf replied. Fox then demanded, "Then tell me the story! Don't leave a word out of the _fight_."

So Wolf told the story to his good friend Fox, and…

::

**Wolf: THAT IS WHERE THE STORY ENDS!**

**Fox: Tch. If you didn't understand the meaning, it means the typical two words. The End.**

**::**

I sort of decided to go a little short with these two stories because I'm _supposed_ to be working on 15 Years On. Quite honestly, I'm shocked that I haven't even started the eighth chapter for 15 Years On…

Moving on!

Personally, like I said last chapter, the entire story was made for fun, and I use it for a small laugh now and then for myself…

As said above, you can request for the commentaries.

In the COMPLETE book of Grimm's Fairy Tales, there are 211 stories, both short and long.

I've completed 3, so 208 stories left!

RER! Read the story, Enjoy the story, Review!


	3. The Poor Man and the Rich Man

What a Grimm Fairy Tale

The Poor Man and the Rich Man

Link and Marth

What a Grimm Fairy Tale

**Commentary by Sheik and Marth!**

**Note that, no funny jokes in this one. I followed too close to the story, and this is what turned out.**

::

In the REALLY, REALLY, old days, when the God of Smashville, Sheik, walked around the town freely, it just so happened that Sheik got tired, and was overtaken by nightfall before he reached an inn.

::

**Sheik: As much as I would love being a God, this doesn't work with my personality…**

**Marth: Yeah…**

**::**

Now, Sheik was facing two houses, one large and beautiful on the right that belonged to a rich man named Marth and one small house that belonged to a poor man named Link.

Sheik thought, '_I will be of no burden to the rich man if I stay one night…'_

::

**Marth: You are not coming in my house.**

**Sheik: How rude…**

**::**

So Sheik knocked on the large, rosewood door, and the rich man's wife, a blond hair female named Samus, opened the door. Looking down at Sheik's raggedy clothing Sheik had borrowed, Samus sniffed and made a face at the smell.

"And what do you want?" Samus demanded. Sheik's low voice answered back, "I only asked for a night's lodging."

Marth's body starting moving upstairs and he came down in his blue regalia. "What does that commoner want?" Samus sighed, and looked disdainfully at Sheik's clothing in comparison to Marth's. She called back, "She wants a night's lodging!"

"Unfortunately, we are stocking herbs in all available rooms at the moment, so apologies, sir or madam, we cannot let you in!" Marth exclaimed politely, although his blue eyes were noticeably twitching. Sheik tilted his head to the side, this man was obviously lying.

Maybe later she could kill him in an act of nature…

::

**Sheik: Pff. See that Marth, the author doesn't like you…**

**Marth: I'm just being misunderstood…Anyways, did you see the words, '**_**So apologies, **__**sir or madam**_**' **

**Sheik:…**

**::**

The rich couple slammed the large, luxurious door in front of the god's face, and Sheik simply sighed. "What a foolish couple…" Turning his head towards the poor man's house, which was admittedly quite sad-looking with its sagging wooden roof, and the state of the walls.

Nevertheless, it _was_ shelter, so Sheik strode over to the house, and right before he even knocked, the door opened, and he met the faces' of a middle-age, blue-eyed couple named Zelda and Link.

::

**Sheik: My counterpart?**

**Marth: Ah, so Zelda has a part in this?**

**Sheik: As an old lady.**

**Marth: Hm.**

**::**

"Come in, come in!" The couple ushered him in cheerfully, and Sheik walked in, bowing his head as the roof seemed to loom over him.

"May I spend the night, my good people?" Sheik politely inquired. Zelda, the one with flowing, dark brown hair with a few gray hairs in it, immediately answered, "As long as you don't mind sleeping in a hard bed, we are certainly fine."

Link gestured around with his hands and said, "My wife and I will sleep on the floor, because that was our only bed…Unless you don't want it.", he ended in a joking tone. His wife instantly swatted the back of his head, "Link!" she scolded.

::

**Marth: Link got pwned.**

**Sheik: I have no idea how to respond to that.**

**::**

Sheik laughed, albeit a small one, and said, "I will take the floor if need be…"

::

**Sheik: Their talking in old people voices…**

**Marth: *Mockingly* Thou need help remembering thou words?**

**Sheik: *Casually throws a needle at him***

**::**

To this, Zelda insisted that he take the bed. "We are old people; we don't really need any beds, right?" At this, she elbowed Link into saying yes.

The night passed quickly, and Zelda quickly rose to the light of dawn, and started making breakfast, even if it was simply toast with butter, Sheik enjoyed it and said to the middle-aged couple, "Now that you have granted me a night at your house, I will allow you three wishes!"

At once, Link took a step up and boldly said, "I wish for eternal happiness with my wife, and to have every day our daily bread."

Sheik asked, "Is that all? There is one more to be granted." He again took a look at the disheveled house. "Perhaps a better house?" He suggested.

::

**Marth: You see, I don't get why they didn't ask for this first.**

**Sheik: Well, obviously, they are too close-minded to wish for those. All they want is happiness and enough food to live on.**

**Marth: Why not wish for riches?**

**Sheik: Because they enjoy having a simple life?**

**::**

Zelda replied with a yes and…

_Poof!_

Their house had morphed into a dainty, red brick house with glass windows and clean, well furnished rooms.

Sheik smiled when he saw the couple rejoicing at their new luck, and snapping his fingers, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. After appearing alongside a road only two days' journey from the houses he just saw, he contentedly started to relax at the shade of a juniper tree.

::

**Sheik: What happened to you?**

**Marth: Yeah. What DID happen to me?**

**::**

Meanwhile, the rich couple was loafing around in their house, and Marth looked out the window, and saw the once poor couple's house turned into a nicer one.

He sat up quickly, and gripped the arms of his silky, black leather chair. "Samus! Look at that! How did that happen!" He demanded wildly. Samus lazily lifted her head, and drawled out, "They accepted to let the man in their dwelling, and that happened."

Marth's blue eyes widened, and he jumped to his feet and ran out the window. "AAH!" He screamed, and landed SMACK into his horse, Pit.

::

**Sheik: Have you fallen so low, that you named your horse after Pit?**

**Marth: I'm being ridiculed…**

**::**

Straightening himself, he gathered himself up, and rode his horse towards the path where Sheik had gone.

Sheik spotted a patch of dust coming over the horizon. Now who could that be, he wondered. A spot of blue hair appeared next to him. Marth started begging, "Please, sir or madam!"

::

**Marth: *Choked to fake death***

**Sheik: *On a corner with her eyes gleaming***

**::**

"My rooms were REALLY full with herbs that night you came, please!" Marth begged and begged, until he was reduced to a heap of tears.

Sheik grew tired of his whining…

::

**Sheik: I did get tired of your whining.**

**::**

…and told him, "If I ever go to your house again, you must let me in. However, I will grant you three wishes. These wishes will come true during your way home, or anywhere else. Goodbye, and good day!" Sheik said, and disappeared.

Marth's blue hair started to wave and shake about with excitement, and as he mounted Pit…

::

**Marth: I hate this author.**

**Sheik: You want to be gay?**

**Marth: Did she plan that for me already?**

**::**

…he rode home, thinking about what he should wish for. During the way there, Pit got extremely tired, and started to slow down.

Whipping Pit into going faster, Marth tried to bribe him with carrots and apples. None of the bribes worked…

::

**Marth: I never knew Pit ate carrots…**

**Sheik: He doesn't.**

**Marth: How would you know?**

**Sheik: Because…I am OMNIPOTENT!**

**::**

So Marth yelled in a fit of anger, "How I wish your neck was broken, Pit!" As this was a LEGITIMATE wish, it happened, and poor Pit died.

::

**Sheik: Aw…**

**Marth: Not.**

**::**

Now, Marth had to go home, by walking. This isn't exactly the best thing that happened to him, but was more of an extreme burden.

The heavy packs he had to carry made him cry in a fit of anger again. "Oh how I wish that Samus was wearing these packs forever! That way, she could know what I felt!" The packs disappeared, and Marth went home.

::

**Marth: I'm wasting all my wishes…**

**Sheik: Good.**

**::**

When he arrived home, he saw Samus trying to get her burden, the heavy packs (which were filled with stones!), off. Once Samus saw Marth, she cried out, "Get these off me!"

Seeing as Marth had one wish left, he tried to bribe her into staying with those packs on her back, in return for riches.

"What use are riches and gold for me, if I can't utilize them fully!" Samus screamed at her husband. So unfortunately, Marth had to spend his last wish to get the packs off of Samus' back, and spent the last of his days in poverty and self-pitying.

However…

::

**Sheik: I just know that Link and Zelda got the good ending…**

**Marth: Don't people love me…?*hides in corner***

**::**

…Link and Zelda lived merrily on in their happy lives, in the dainty red house, with their daily bread.

**THE END.**

**Hint at next story, "…juniper tree."**

**4 stories done, 207 to go!**

**This will most likely take a year…**

**RER! Read, enjoy, and review!**

**-Akira**


	4. The Juniper Tree

The Juniper Tree

Commentary Falco and Lucario

**I don't own anything. **

**And the user bffs4evaMattandMello, I will take your commentary suggestion for the next story.**

::

**Falco: This story doesn't seem like much…**

**Lucario: I already have the original plot in my hand.**

**Falco: What? Let me see it!**

**::**

There was once a Halfling who grew into a grown half-man half-bird. His name was Falco, and his wife was a sweet woman named Peach.

::

**Lucario: After this story, Mario may attempt to kill you.**

**Falco: *Whines* Rio! C'mon! It's the author's fault!**

**::**

The couple had everything they wanted, EXCEPT a child. Their house was a neat cottage, with a grand juniper tree in front of the house. One day in the winter, Peach stood in front of the tree, paring a pear with her pocket knife.

::

**Falco: Apples?**

**Lucario: I would appreciate it if you don't sing that ridiculous song.**

**(AN: Reference to 15 Years On.)**

**::**

Peach accidentally cut her finger with the knife, and started to gaze at the ruby red drops of blood. "Ah, "she said wistfully, "How I wish for a child with fur as blue as my husband's and eyes as red as my blood."

As soon as she said the wish, Peach felt as if it would come true. Skipping to the house, she whistled a happy tune, her heart feeling lighter every minute.

::

**Lucario: *Grows still***

**Falco: No way…**

**::**

One, two, three, four, five months passed from the day she wished for a child. The juniper tree was blossoming with tiny flowers, and Peach took it as a sign of good omen. She fell to her knees and wept with joy.

Seven months, and the juniper tree was filled with sweet berries, Falco calls to his wife from the wooden window. "Eat!" He urges her. Without hesitation, Peach took an entire basket of berries and ate them eagerly.

::

**Falco: Dear (Replacement for God) Kami, let that poison her…**

**Lucario: With our luck, it won't.**

**::**

Eight months since that wish, and Peach was weeping and said to her husband. "If I die, bury me under the juniper tree!"

Falco agreed to her wish, and Peach was comforted.

Nine months, and Peach finally gave birth to a canine-like, humanoid baby with blue fur and red eyes.

::

**Lucario: I demand the story to reconsider my part.**

**Falco: I agree, Rio.**

**::**

She named it Lucario, and died of joy.

::

**Falco: How do you die of joy?**

**Lucario: It depends how you see joy.**

**Falco: What the heck is that supposed to mean?**

**::**

Falco grieved for his wife, and buried her under the juniper tree as she wished. After mourning for two years, he met another woman, Zelda, and married her.

Soon, Zelda had a girl she named, Nana. Seeing as Nana was second born, Zelda started to despise Lucario, as he would obtain the riches his father had when he died.

So every day when Lucario came back from school, he was ridiculed by his stepmother and disgraced.

However, his stepsister, Nana loved him like a true sibling.

::

**Lucario: I hope no one reviews on this story…**

**Falco: NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! REVIEW!*Shoves Lucario out of the way***

**::**

One day, Zelda came up with a plan to get rid of Lucario entirely. All she had to do was rely on her instincts, have the right tools, and count on Nana's affection towards Lucario.

A bright Saturday morning came and passed and soon it was afternoon. Inside the cottage, Nana started to demand an apple from her mother. Smiling, Zelda opened the apple chest, which had a very heavy wood lid with metal locks, and chose a bright, red, juicy apple for her daughter. Then, Nana asked, "And may I have one for my brother Lucario?"

::

**Lucario: There is always some type of evil woman in here, isn't there?**

**Falco: Ah ha! But! There was also the good women, remember?**

**Lucario: Oh yeah, in the first story…**

**::**

Grinning evilly inside, Zelda gave a sickly sweet smile and handed a smaller, duller apple to Nana. However, as Lucario wasn't there yet, (He was still at school), so Nana went for a walk out in the meadow for a few hours through the back door.

When Lucario arrived home, his father was out at work and Nana in the meadows smelling the flowers.

::

**Lucario: What work?**

**Falco: Killing stuff. The usual.**

**::**

Going to his stepmother, Lucario repeated what his sister had said to him. "Mother, may I have an apple?" To this, the stepmother smiled wickedly and said, "Put your head in and find a good, red apple my son, for my eyesight is most terrible."

So Lucario stuck his head in the apple chest, and speedily, Zelda slammed the lid on Lucario's head. The boy's head fell off into the apple chest, with an expression of shock and anger written on the canine like face.

Suddenly, Zelda was frightened and then had an idea to hide the sin she had committed. She peeked out of a window to see if anyone was there and was comforted when she saw nobody. Then she snatched up poor Lucario's dismembered body and head, and placed it in a chair. The head was placed lopsidedly on the neck, and Zelda placed a white handkerchief around Lucario's neck and a bright red apple in his pale black hand.

::

**Lucario: I'm dead.**

**Falco: No der.**

**Lucario: I'm not that gullible.**

**Falco: SIR AARON!**

**Lucario: What? Where?**

**Falco: Gullible.**

**::**

When Nana finally came back from her walk, she was hungry AGAIN, although she had eaten her apple and Lucario's. She noticed Lucario's dead body holding an apple, and told him, "Give me that apple, brother."

Obviously, he didn't reply. So Nana went to her mother and told her, "I asked my brother if he could give me that apple. He didn't reply."

::

**Lucario: She speaks strangely.**

**Falco: I fathered that child?**

**::**

Zelda smiled at her and said, "Then box him in the ear if he doesn't say anything to you again."

Nana took this advice, and said again, "Brother, give me that apple!" Lucario obviously gave no reply, so Nana boxed his ear harshly.

As Zelda expected, Lucario's head fell off, and she heard Nana's frightened cry.

"Mother! I think I have killed my brother!" Nana cried out.

::

**Falco: She rhymes too…**

**Lucario: She's much smarter in our life, isn't she?**

**::**

Placing a face of surprise on her face, Zelda replied hurriedly, "Oh Nana! Help me hide the body before your father comes home!" After mother and daughter had hid the body, Nana went to her room, crying, and the stepmother took Lucario's bones out of the body when she was sure no one was looking.

When Falco came home; he asked Zelda where his son was and why Nana was crying.

"Ah, your son has left off to go on an adventure! And Nana is crying because she can't reach the book up on that shelf!" Zelda hastily replied.

::

**Falco: Don't fall for it, don't fall for the stupid lie…**

**Lucario: That was a stupid lie...**

**::**

Falco was extremely surprised, but accepted the fact with a final remark, "And the boy didn't say goodbye to his father?"

::

**Falco: I fell for it.**

**Lucario: Che.**

**::**

For dinner that night, the entire family had broth, with the dead boy's bones in it. At the end of the meal, Falco had thrown Lucario's bones under the table, not knowing that he had chewed on his son's bones.

After the family had retired for the night, Nana took her best handkerchief, and wrapped the bones in it, and buried the package under the juniper tree.

The very next day, the juniper tree began to wave in the wind on it's on. The branches started to shake as if it was laughing. When Nana peeked out her window and saw this, her heart began to feel light and joyful.

That very day, a red lizard thing arose from the leaves, and started to glide towards town. Arriving soon…

::

**Lucario and Falco: Charizard?**

**::**

…and came to a goldsmith's shop, where it began to sing.

::

**Falco: Charizard doesn't sing.**

**Lucario: He can sing in a low voice…**

**::**

**(AN: The song is from the book, but I tweaked it a bit.)**

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.,**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

The goldsmith, who was named Link, was making a beautiful gold chain when he heard the sound went outside in only his green tunic and apron, begged the lizard to sing the song again.

"No, I do not sing for nothing twice: give that gold chain to me, and I will sing it again." Charizard demanded. Link, who wanted so much to hear it again, agreed and gave the chain to Charizard, who sang the song again.

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.,**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

Then the lizard glided over to a shoemaker's store, and sang the song again.

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.,**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

::

**Falco: Charizard is annoying me now…**

**Lucario: I can't help but agree.**

**::**

The shoemaker was listening while finishing a pair of red heels was named Luigi, and he walked out in his green striped boxers to look at the singing lizard.

"Wife! Look at this lizard! Look and see!" Luigi cried.

::

**Lucario: He lost the accent.**

**Falco: Is Mario in this?**

**Lucario: Originally, he was the father, but the author decided to use us because an anonymous reviewer asked for us.**

**Falco: *Pulls out list of reviewers* Oh, I have a fanboy…Thanks for suggesting! I really mean it!**

**::**

Luigi's wife, Daisy, came out and saw how beautiful the lizard was with its yellow stomach and orange skin.

"Lizard, please sing that piece for us again!" Luigi pleaded. Charizard repeated his wish again.

"I don't sing stuff twice for nothing, give me something, and I will consider it." Charizard said, and Luigi complied with his wishes by handing the red heels over to Charizard's claw. The lizard began to sing again.

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

Then the orange lizard went to a mill, where only four millers were working their arms off. Charizard sang:

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.**_

Here one of the millers stopped hewing the millstone. His name is no consequence to you, but if you want to know, his name was Toon Link.

::

**Lucario: Toon has to work that early of an age?**

**Falco: Call it child abuse.**

**::**

Charizard then sung the next two verses:

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

Another of the millers stopped, and his name was Marth.

The lizard then sang the next two verses:

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

Here, a blue puffball stopped and looked at the Pokémon.

Finally, the last two lines Charizard was singing:

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

At these last words, Ike, the last miller to stop, stared at the lizard and said, "Lizard, sing that piece again. I only heard the last two lines."

"I do not sing for nothing. Give me that mill stone you are hewing and I will sing again." The lizard demanded.

As all the millers loved the song the lizard had sang, they gratefully gave millstone to the Charizard, who tucked it under his arm and sang again:

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

Charizard, laden with all the gifts he had gotten, started to fly back to the cottage.

Inside, Nana was weeping in a corner, Zelda was huddling in a pile of blankets, and Falco was sitting in an armchair.

::  
**Lucario: I haven't been seen in ages…**

**Falco: Hmph.**

**::**

Falco suddenly remarked, "How light-hearted and cheerful I feel!" To this, Zelda replied, "No, I feel very low, as if there was a great storm coming."

Nana sat weeping, and then Charizard arrived on their roof.

"Ah, " said Falco, "I feel so happy, and the sun is shining so bright, I feel as if I am going to meet an old friend."

Zelda started to sweat and said, "No, I am scared, my teeth chatter, and I feel as if there is a blazing fire within me!" After she said this, Zelda took off all the blankets off her, and tore her hair out in an effort to forget about the heat in her.

Nana sat in a corner with a plate, and wept until the plate was quite full.

::

**Falco: This is boring….**

**Lucario: I really want to see what happens at the end…**

**::**

Then the Charizard started to sing **AGAIN:**

_**The stepmother murdered him,**_

_**The father ate his bones.**_

_**His sister Nana,**_

_**Who all his bones in pieces under the table found, **_

_**She bound them in a handkerchief she had,**_

_**She buried them under the juniper tree**_

_**Chari, Charizard I cry,**_

_**Oh what a useful lizard am I!**_

The entire family went out, and Charizard first dropped the gold chain around Falco's neck who turned to his child and wife happily. "Look what this beautiful…."

::

**Falco: Whoa, wait a minute! Charizard can't be considered beautiful!**

**Lucario: In some cases, yes, he can.**

**::**

…lizard has given me!" Then, Charizard dropped the red heels in front of Nana, who stopped weeping…

::

**Falco and Lucario: Finally….**

**::**

…and took the heels to her mother with a gleeful look on her face. "Look what that lizard has given me!"

Zelda lay on the ground as if she was dead however, but arose when she saw the good things her husband and daughter had gotten. "Perhaps…I will go and see what this lizard gives me…" She mumbled.

When the stepmother went out, the lizard dropped the millstone on her head, and the stepmother died.

The father and daughter rushed out when they heard the crash, and saw that Zelda had gone up in smoke and blazes.

But!

::

**Lucario: I'm alive!**

**Falco: And she's dead!**

**Lucario: Link's going to kill you.**

**::**

Lucario was standing there next to the juniper tree, smiling and grinning like there was no tomorrow. He took his father and sister's hands and went inside to eat their dinner.

**The End.**

* * *

**Remember! You can request for commentaries, but you'll have to wait to see them!**

**Past Smashers who have commentated may comment again.**

**References,**

**(1) What Falco said about the apples was referring to my other story, 15 Years On.**

**(2) Sir Aaron comes from a Pokemon movie**

**206 fairy tales to go!**

Fun Fact: The Grimm brothers use a lot of 'The' as their titles.

**RER! Read, enjoy, review!**


	5. Gambling Hansel

Gambling Hansel

Commentary: Luigi and Pit

::

I don't own anything.

**Starting with bff4evaMattandMello's suggestion, let's begin!**

**Gambling Hansel**

**Or **

**Gambling Luigi**

**::**

Luigi was a hobo.

::

**Luigi: Already this author is making fun of me…**

**Pit: You lost your accent?**

**::**

He was also a gambler, who had gambled ALL his money away! For this reason, all the people called Luigi, 'GAMBLER LUIGI!'

::

**Luigi: The author h- **_**dislikes**_** typing out the accents…**

**::**

As Luigi never ceased to gamble, he started to gamble his house, and everything he owned!

Even his…overalls!

::

**Luigi: *Chokes on his Mojito***

**Pit: *Begins to hit Luigi for even drinking alcohol* **

**::**

Now, right before his house was going to be taken away the next morning, the night before that morning, Pit and Ness, respectfully (God and St. Peter), asked Luigi if they could stay the night.

"Of course! You may stay at my house, but I'm afraid I have no furniture for you to sit or sleep on."

::

**Pit: Luigi you hobo…**

**Luigi: I know people love me…**

**Pit: Not to be mean to the people who like Luigi, but I dislike Luigi. As in the author, not me.**

**::**

Pit said good-naturedly, "All you have to do is let us stay the night. Do you have food?" Luigi pulled a face, and Ness sighed impatiently as Pit motioned him to pass over a few coins to the hobo.

"You just had to ask for the money for the food…"Ness muttered as he passed a few gold coins to Luigi.

They sent him to the supermarket a few blocks away where a group of gamblers, unfortunately, were. Luigi couldn't resist playing, and played all the money Pit and Ness gave him away.

After Luigi lost all the money, he realized that he had forgotten….

::

**Pit: Not.**

**::**

…to buy the food for Pit and Ness. Deciding quickly that he would lie to them to make up for his mistake, Luigi walked the few blocks home.

When he got back from home, Pit asked him where the food was. Holding true to his word, Luigi lied and said, "It fell in a gutter somewhere."

::

**Pit: Shame.**

**Luigi: I would've used it to buy another washing machine…or food.**

**::**

The Lord knew that he was lying, but decided to let him off one time. "I will grant you three wishes.", he said, disregarding Ness' frantic gestures for him to stop. Luigi…No. Gambling Luigi, had at least granted them shelter.

Luigi blinked at this, and speedily said his wishes. "I wish to have a purse always full of money…"

::

**Pit: I would have never willingly given you that!**

**Luigi**: **If I had a purse always full of money…*Begins to daydream***

**::**

"…A tree where I people could climb on, but never climb off without my will…"Luigi continued, noting the look on Ness' face.

::

**Luigi: That **_**is**_** significantly important right?**

**Pit: No, it was just a line for fun!**

**Luigi: Really?**

**Pit: *Shoulders slump* No…**

**::**

"And I would always like to win in gambling! FOREVER!" Luigi happily ended. Pit and Ness were astounded. He didn't ask for a safe ticket to Heaven? Blasphemy! Nevertheless, Pit granted these wishes to Gambling Luigi, and continued his merry way until he finally went back to Heaven.

**Sometime later that I can't begin to fathom…**

Luigi was making his way into the world as one of the most luckiest man in the world.

He gambled with everyone, but instead of losing, he won _everything_.

::

**Pit: CHEATER!**

**Luigi: You granted me the power, now I'm using it to the limit!**

**::**

Soon, he caught the attention of Ness, who urgently said to Pit. "Gambling Luigi is causing chaos to the world, we have to stop him!" Pit reluctantly called the help of Ganondorf, (Lucifer, as I like to call him), and asked him to take away Luigi's gambling filled life.

::

**Luigi: NOOOO!**

**Pit: YESSSS! Even though I don't like Ganondorf…**

**::**

Ganondorf, who had heard of Luigi's life, had gladly agreed to this. Not many knew that the realm of Heck…

::

**Luigi: Heck?**

**Pit: The author refuses to say the actual word. For some odd reason, I blame her real life friend.**

**::**

…Did not have gambling, which was a sin on another sin as gambling _was_ a sin. And Heck must have sins!

Ganondorf made his way to Gambling Luigi, who was currently walking a worn path, leading to the Mushroom Kingdom, where he intended to bet on one of the Kart Races. Oh yes…he would obtain much money after this, and then he would pay off all those debts he made in his past few years…

::

**Pit: I'm astonished anyone, much less me, would let you do this.**

**Luigi: Yet, you did.**

**Pit: Oh shut up you p-**

**::**

…As I was saying. Ganondorf made his way to the famous gambler, and appeared through a burst of darkness. "Well, Gambling Luigi, it is time…_to die._" He said in a dark, ominous voice.

To his surprise, Luigi did not flinch, and instead looked at him with a calm gaze. "Before that, would you mind fetching a pear or two from this tree?" Magically, Luigi pulled out a tree from his pocket…

::

**Pit: Impossible.**

**Luigi: Contrary to your beliefs, this HAS happened.**

**Pit: Oh? Where?**

**Luigi: Maplestory, another thing that the author does not own.**

**Pit: We'll continue this discussion later, my fine, p-**

**::**

…And threw it on the ground, where Ganondorf _thought_ he saw a few pears. Seeing no harm to Luigi's request, Ganondorf clambered up the tree, and scrabbled for the imaginary pears. Growing…dark green? In rage, he went to the lowest branch and tried to get off the tree. To his disappointment, Ganondorf was somehow unable to get off.

::

**Pit: And this is why Luigi asked for the tree?**

**Luigi: Duh…**

**Pit: I would've loved seeing you with an accent in here, my p-**

**::**

"LUUIIIIGIIIIII?" Ganondorf roared at the gambler. Luigi eyed him, and stuffed the tree and _Ganondorf_ in his pocket. Continuing on his merry way, Luigi whistled a tune, and arrived at the wall of Mushroom Kingdom.

::

**Luigi: I find my pockets incredibly smelly now for some odd reason…**

**Pit: STOP BLOCKING MY COMMENTS YOU P-!**

_**Oh shut up…**_

**::**

Not knowing that Pit and Ness were still watching him, Ness faced the Lord angrily. "We must threaten him, or else even Heck will fall!" Pit's eyebrows furrowed, but dismissed him, thinking that the gambler wouldn't do much harm.

**Possibly after the Kart Races, maybe five years or so?**

The world was in chaos, Pit noted. Without Ganondorf, it appeared that the mortals were living on FAR longer than they should have.

"WE HAVE TO FORCE HIM, PIT!" Ness screamed furiously at the Goddish like Angel thingy. Pit buried his head in his hands, and groaned. "We will, Ness. Calm yourself."

Appearing before Luigi, who had gotten very well in his years, and STILL having Ganondorf in his pocket, in a flash, Pit stared at him stonily. "Release Ganondorf, Luigi, or I will…" He ended threateningly. Gambling Luigi stared defiantly back, and boldly asked, "Or what?"

Pit grinned mentally, "I'll take away your luck, your purse, and everything you have." He smirked internally at the now quivering man.

::

**Luigi: You evil…I can't believe you're even portrayed as…**

**Pit: As?**

**Luigi: A substitute for Palutena!**

**Pit: WHAT? **

**::**

"Alright, alright!" Luigi panicked, and hurriedly took out the tree. Muttering a curse…

::

**Pit: *Hits Luigi for cursing***

**Luigi: OW! Why hit me?**

**Pit: Cause you're the nearest thing.**

**::**

He let Ganondorf out of the tree, who was fuming with rage. "YOU! YOU ARE COMING WITH ME, MR." The green Lucifer…

::

**Luigi: That name, Lucifer, contradicts with Ganondorf's true power.**

**Pit: Oh? How so?**

**Luigi: In Latin, 'Lucifer' actually meant something about bringer of light…**

**Pit: Yeah. You've gone nuts.**

**::**

…snatched up the poor gambler (Mind you, he still has his powers from Pit.), and threw him at the gate of Heck. The poor gambler made his way to the first realm of Heck, but was thrown out as soon as he stepped in.

"We have no need of your gambling." A mercenary with blue hair glared at the gambler.

Second? Out.

Third? Out.

Fourth? Out.

::

**Luigi: PLEASE! LET ME IN!**

**Pit: No! Don't let him in!**

**::**

Fifth? Out, but at least a few wanted a bit of gambling.

Sixth? Booted out.

Seventh? Most wanted him in, but the stupid robot punched him out.

Eighth? HE could've gotten in if it wasn't for that rat…

Ninth? Welcomed like a true hero!

::

**Pit: *Spits out water***

**Luigi: Not my favorite part of H-**

**::**

He was welcomed like a hero because Snake, the residing replacement for Ganondorf, had always gambled when he was alive. He had lost that hobby however, when he reached Heck.

Now he had it back! Of course, he didn't know that Luigi still had his powers even AFTER going to heck.

**Give or take 10 days in Heck…**

"HAHA! I WIN AGAIN SNAKE!" Luigi roared with laughter, and collected Snake's pot of snacks. Ganondorf pursed his nonexistent lips. If this continued, Heck would run out of supplies…

Then, _Ness_ of all people, appeared.

After taking him into a room, Ness and Ganondorf talked about Luigi going into Heaven, for Heaven NEVER ran out of supplies.

"LUIGI!" Ganondorf yelled, the gambler appearing before him. "YOUR GOING TO HEAVEN. GIT."

::

**Pit: Git?**

**Luigi: Slang.**

**::**

When Luigi went to Heaven, he immediately started a game of chance with Marth. Winning, Luigi smiled, and stole his tiara.

"A pleasant day to you too sir!" Luigi cheerfully said goodbye to the infuriated swordsmen.

**One night in Heaven…**

"Pit, we can't handle Gambling Luigi!" Ness protested after seeing the damage Luigi did in Heaven. Marth, of all people, was in tears, Peach was sobbing too, and Mario…was saying profanities.

::

**Pit: That's not that bad…He curses in Italian all the time at Ness.**

**::**

"MARIO'S SPEAKING PROFANITIES?" Pit screamed, standing up abruptly. "LUIIIGIIIII!" Pit hissed, and summoned the gambler, who was laden with tiaras, crowns, and….was that hair? No…was that _**green**_ hair?

Cursing under his breath, Pit grew to a height that would rival Tabuu in his huge form that was so annoying….and snatched Luigi by the armpits….

::

**Pit and Luigi: EWWWWW!**

**Pit: DO YOU SWEAT UNDER THERE?**

**Luigi: WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?**

**Pit: I TAKE YOU FOR A GAMBLING P-**

**::**

And threw him on Earth, where he shattered into a million, billion, gazillion…

::

**Pit: Okay, continue the story…**

**::**

Pieces, and fled into the gamblers that we know today.

::

**Luigi: *Sniff* The….**

**Pit: END.**

**

* * *

**

**Yeah...I had massive writer's block...And if I recall...FOUR OF YOU...requested:**

**Foxpilot: Mario and Peach-That's coming next...**

**Abigal Satoshi: Dedede and Bowser-I'm scouring the book that'll fit these two...**

**RawkHawk2.0-Peach and Zelda or Link and Ganondorf-I'll go for the girls...**

**Mystical (Anonymous)-Mewtwo and Samus-He/She chose a story for this one...But Grimms' is much, much more bloodier.**

**Right, so I'm going to attempt to try and separate the short stories...Because this story SHOULD have 211 chapters...**

**See you next time! (As long as I don't get writer's block)**


	6. How Mrs Fox Married Again

**How Mrs. Fox Married Again**

**Or**

**How Mrs. Peach Married Again**

**Don't own anything. My apologies for both of Mario's and Peach's OOCness. Commentary requested by Foxpilot. What? You didn't actually expect me to use a fox, didn't you?**

* * *

There was once an old fox, who was named Mario, for he had fur as red as the actual Mario's hat, and a big bushy mustache like the popular character. One day, Mario wished to test his wife, Peach, who had blonde fur and blue eyes, affections to the full.

* * *

**Peach: I would never betray my s-**

**

* * *

ANYWAYS. The old fox pretended to be dead, and stretched himself under the bench quite stiff, and never moved a muscle or joint. Even his mustache…**

* * *

**Mario: Don't remind me. It was gelled, wasn't it?**

**

* * *

…Yes, it was gelled and didn't even quiver.**

* * *

**Peach: Wouldn't that arouse suspicion?**

**Mario: I guess no one would bother touching the body, much less disturb it. Ah…The respect for the 'dead' has its usefulness.**

**

* * *

At this, Peach retired to her baby pink room, and mourned for hours. Her maid, a robotic cat named R.O.B, who had unusual fur and moved as if he had stiff joints, was quite faithful and tended the fire.**

When it became known that Old Fox Mario was dead, suitors came loping towards the widowed Mrs. Fox's den.

The first suitor was a young, orange tailed fox with a white muzzle, with the original name, Fox. He called outside the door, and rapped it three times with his paw and called out…

* * *

**Mario: FOX? LA SONO UN IDIOTA, PERCHE NON SAPEVO CHE LA FOX AVREBBE CERCATO DI OTTENERE PESCA?**

**Peach: …Translation please?**

**Mario: Nothing you need to know of Peachy.**

**Peach: …**

**

* * *

**

"R.O.B? Are you already out of batteries? Or are you simply tending the fire and ignoring me?" Fox called out, receiving a robotic tone answer in response.

"**I'M IN. WHAT'D YOU NEED N00B?" **R.O.B said, snickering at the imaginary expression on Fox's muzzle.

* * *

**Mario: Merda. Do you think R.O.B will live after this?**

**Peach: No…**

**

* * *

**

"Thank you, robot, is Miss. Fox in?" Fox politely inquired, inwardly seething at R.O.B's words.

"**YA. SHE UPSTAIRS, WEEPING 'ER POOR HEART OUT." R.O.B **flatly replied, tilting his head to the side on the other side of the door.

* * *

**Mario: An accent? On R.O.B?**

**Peach: He can be progammed to do that, you know.**

**

* * *

**

"…I wish to see her, if you please." Fox stiffly replied, green eyes twitching.

Inside, R.O.B was flying towards Peach, and politely asked outside her door, (A sharp contrast to what he used with Fox), "**THERE IS A FOX OUTSIDE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HIM?" **

**

* * *

**

**Mario: *Inwardly hoping* Say no, say no, SAY NO!**

**Peach: N-!**

**

* * *

"Does he have a nice, bushy mustache like Mario?" Peach asked, creeping to her door.**

"…**NO." **R.O.B hesitantly answered, blinking flat, black eyes.

"Then I won't have him!" Peach said without hesitation.

* * *

**Peach: Oh good.**

**Mario: SI!**

**

* * *

**

R.O.B went back to the front door, and gave Mrs. Peach's message to the fox, Fox. Insulted, the orange vulpine stalked away to reveal _yet another _fox, this time with white wings sprouting from its back. However the same thing happened _again_.

* * *

**Mario: Your very picky about these things aren't you Peach?**

**Peach: Yes.**

_**For those looking for a really awesome love commentary for these two, I'm sorry for disappointing you. I've never played any of the Super Mario Games.**_

**Mario and Peach: WHAT? AND YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT US?**

**

* * *

**

The same things happened until the ninth fox came. His name was…Luigi, complete with a bushy mustache, albeit a little more droopy, and a green cap.

* * *

**Mario: LUIGI? MERDA, DAVVERO SOTTOVALUTATO MIO FRATELLO!**

**Peach: Translation please?**

**Mario: Not this time…**

**

* * *

When R.O.B carried the ninth message up to Peach's room for the ninth time…She asked again for the ninth time if the fox had a bushy mustache, just like her dear Mario had. Instead of, for the ninth time, breaking the consecutive streak of rejections, R.O.B replied, "****YA."**

* * *

**Peach: *Develops a mad gleam in her eye* Must-Kill-Robot.**

**Mario: …P-Peachy?**

**

* * *

**

So Peach went out of her room, and gaily said to the maid, "Turn out old Mario, and let the new one come in!"

* * *

**Peach: *Absolutely flabbergasted***

**Mario: Is there such a word?**

_**I fail at writing you guys…**_

**Mario & Peach: Absolutely.**

**

* * *

**

As soon as R.O.B reached the supposedly 'dead' Mario, Mario sprang to life, and kicked his greenhorn brother (Greenhorn in **everything**) out the door, along with Mrs. Peach.

"That should teach you a lesson si fatto saltare la gente!" Mario howled at the couple, and threw R.O.B out there too.

**Later…Somewhere between 10 years or so…**

"I've come back swee-!" Peach joyously cried out, bounding along the road to the little house. She abruptly stopped as…

* * *

**Mario: Fine!**

**Peach: END IT!**

…_**I'm putting the second ending…**_

**Mario and Peach: NOOOO!**

**

* * *

**

**ii.**

Once booted out of Ol' Mario's house, Luigi and Peach set up a fantastic wedding. There was a WHOLE lot of green and baby pink involved in the actual clothes. R.O.B of course, stayed at their honeymoon place, lapping up grease, oil, and whatever….

At the wedding, Luigi drank…a lot, and Peach danced a little impromptu jig on the dance floor. Towards the climax of the party, both of them dizzily got together, and began the dance of the decade.

For all the other people know, they could be dancing still.

* * *

**Mario and Peach: That was a fail ending!**

_**SHUT UP!**_

* * *

**Err, yes that 'ii' was a second ending. I guess I wasn't really satisfied with the first one…but 'ii' is still in the book! I'm really really really really **_**really **_**sorry for the late update Foxpilot! I have an idea for Abigal's pairing, and for Mystical and RawkHawk2.0…working on it...**

**For my flimsy reason why I was absent:**

**1: I have orchestra groups to attend, schoolwork, etc**

**2: Writer's block, and the additional 20+ storylines running through my head.**

**R&R!**


	7. Simeli Mountain

**Simeli Mountain**

**Or**

**Waddle Dee Mountain**

**I don't own anything! Requested by Abi! (And I apologize for the pesca part…Sorry Foxpilot...) trust Google Translate too much…**

**::**

**Bowser: You aren't joining us for this commentary like you did last time!**

**Dedede: I agree. And why is it based on…**

**Bowser: WHY ISN'T IT KOOPA MOUNTAIN INSTEAD?**

**::**

Two brothers (Though not entirely blood-related thank goodness), named Dedede and Bowser, were merchants at the town of Koopalis. Bowser, a wealthy merchant who was the older brother, was greedy and always hungered for money and food.

Dedede on the other hand,

::

**Bowser: Don't you dare!**

**Dedede: I can be nice! **_**When I want to…**_

**::**

…was the exact opposite_. _He was the younger brother. One day, in the dusty, dry part of Koopalis, Dedede was dawdling around a mountain the residents of Koopalis affectionately called, 'Koopalis Mountain'.

::

**Bowser: They have no imagination at all…**

**Dedede: And you do?**

**Bowser: Obviously.**

**Dedede: Liar!**

**::**

Dedede noticed a contingent of Dry Bones looking rather harried, rushing towards 'Mountain'. Dry Bones One, ran to a boulder with a red tag on it sitting innocently, and said out loud, "Waddle Dee Mountain!"

::

**Dedede: Is that the exact one?**

**Bowser: No you nonfluffy blue penguin! It was originally 'Semili Mountain.'**

**Dedede: No, the uh…'Open Sesame' one.**

**Bowser: Oh.**

**Dedede: Who ripped off of who?**

**Bowser: Don't you **_**dare**_** bring these conversations!**

**::**

Dry Bones One said this clearly three times, and the boulder moved to the right. Waving his hands at his allies, they all went in.

Dedede watched them for a while, and for three hours, busied himself cutting off spare threads off his shirt.

::

**Dedede: No robe!**

**Bowser: Haha, you're so poor!**

**Dedede: Gah, I haven't boiled you yet for the 'nonfluffy blue penguin' comment!**

**Bowser: Like you can do anything to me!**

…_**A spinoff of these two comes into my mind.**_

**Dedede & Bowser: Oh…**

**::**

When the Dry Bones Contingent came out, they were carrying gold and jewels of numerous colors. Dedede's mouth opened, and his non existent ears heard Dry Bones One saying 'Waddle Dee Mountain' twice.

Apparently, the boulder moved to the left, and shut the entrance away.

After seeing the group strut away merrily, Dedede ventured out of his hiding spot.

::

**Dedede: Why call it 'Waddle Dee Mountain'?**

**Bowser: Why not use this stupid fairytale for the fatty clone of Mario?**

_**Be-**_

**Dedede & Bowser: GET OUT OF THE COMMENTARY!**

**::**

Walking up to the same boulder, Dedede boldly said out loud, "Waddle Dee Mountain", thrice.

The boulder opened…

::

**Bowser: Obviously.**

**Dedede: Shut up, I wanna see why it's called 'Waddle Dee Mountain'!**

**Bowser: What the heck is my part in this story!**

**::**

… to reveal a Dedede size hole, and Dedede went in, and gaped at what he found.

Hundreds of thousands, millions, trillions, gazillions…

::

**Bowser: We know the figures, alright?**

**::**

…of Waddle Dees (Those adorable little **servants** [ignore that!] that are so cuddly…) stared at the fat, blue penguin curiously. Then, the massive number of Waddle Dees stampeded towards said fat, blue penguin, and started body slamming him like he was a toy.

::

**Dedede: Technically, we are toys. But I resent the fact you called me fat!**

**Bowser: It's natural part of life, birdie. **

**Dedede: Go swim in cold water, turtle!**

**Bowser: I'LL SHIP YOU TO ANTARTICA, FOO! (1)**

**Dedede: FOO! I'LL SHOW YOU 'FOO'!**

**::**

…The Waddle Dees stopped after a minute or so, and began to separate into two parties. Dedede noticed a pink,

::

**Dedede: Not him, not him, not him!**

**Bowser: HAH! At least I don't have Mario on my tail!**

**Dedede: You almost **_**nonexistent**_** tail, of course.**

**Bowser: GRR!**

**::**

…puffball literally bouncing towards him, carrying a treasure chest filled with…

Food. Glorious-

::

**Bowser: FOOD?**

**Dedede: YES!**

**Bowser: I expected GOLD!**

**Dedede: FOOD IS WORTH MORE THAN GOLD!**

**::**

…food of all kinds and shapes. Dedede's mouth watered, and he stared longingly at the food. It was fit for a king!

(A penguin king, I might add.)

The pink puffball bounded up to the penguin, and handed him said chest of food, and then the entire group of Waddle Dees and pink puffball began to shove him back to the entrance of Waddle Dee Mountain.

When Dedede got out, he said, "Waddle Dee Mountain" twice.

::  
**Bowser: How is it that the Dry Bones group gets gold, treasure, and the like, and you get food?**

**Dedede: I demand an explanation!**

_**It's be-**_

**Dedede and Bowser: GET OUT OF THE STINKING COMMENTARY!**

**::**

Once Dedede arrived back at Koopalis, he had a great big party/festival with his family and friends! Bowser…

::

**Bowser: Finally, I'm back!**

**::**

…grew jealous of the food that was presented, and questioned his younger brother about for a while.

The next few weeks, Dedede's supply of food ran low, and he ventured back to Waddle Mountain again, but before that, asked for a large wheelbarrow from his brother.

::

**Dedede: A wheelbarrow?**

**Bowser: They can only have so many chests at a time.**

**::**

Bowser was suspicious at this request, and gave Dedede his wheelbarrow, but put a layer of tar on the bottom.

The only reason Dedede didn't see this was because the wheelbarrow was painted black. As Bowser sent Dedede off in his merry way, Bowser settled down on a specially made chair to wait.

Dedede arrived at Waddle Dee Mountain again, and saw the Dry Bones group waltz out with treasure once more. When they vanished into the far off distance, Dedede looked both ways if it was clear.

::

**Bowser: I have to congratulate myself on the black wheelbarrow.**

**Dedede: The **_**food**_**! It will be ruined! NOOOO!**

**Bowser: There's that small chance you'll get treasure you know.**

_**Its not-**_

**Dedede & Bowser: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO REPEAT OURSELVES?**

::

As it _was_ clear, Dedede went over to the boulder…

::

**Dedede: How do I know which one it is?**

**Bowser: You marked it?**

**Dedede: With what?**

_**P-!**_

**Dedede: *Shoves the author out***

**::**

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**::**

**Bowser: Get her back in here or else we're never getting out…**

**Dedede: GO, MY FELLOW MINONS! *Sends Waddle Dees to get the author back***

**::**

Well, when Dedede came back…

::

**Bowser & Dedede: She skipped time!**

**::**

…the wheelbarrow was laden with food. Going straight to his home/igloo, he emptied out said food, and then returned the wheelbarrow back to Bowser, not knowing that black licorice was stuck to the tar on the wheelbarrow.

When Bowser got back his wheelbarrow…

::

**Bowser: What the heck do I even use the wheelbarrow for?**

**Dedede: …Farming?**

**Bowser: Like heck.**

**::**

…He eagerly wriggled his claws around the tar, and found the licorice. "AHA!" He roared, and began to run…

::

**Dedede: Slowly.**

**Bowser: Shut it, tub.**

**Dedede: …How much do you weigh without the shell?**

**Bowser: That's hardly relevant!**

**::**

Once Bowser arrived at the front of Dedede's igloo/house, he demanded where he got the food, and in a frenzy, waved the black licorice around madly. Dedede stared at his older brother…

::

**Bowser: Have I asked how we're related already?**

**Dedede: Just an author's craziness. Remember the one with Rio and Falco?**

**Bowser: Oh yeah…**

**::**

…and simply nodded and pointed towards Waddle Dee Mountain. "You'll have to say 'Waddle Dee Mountain' thrice, then twice when you get out."

The following morning, Bowser strutted off towards Waddle Dee Mountain, and did everything Dedede had told him to do.

When he got in Waddle Dee Mountain, instead of food, he was laden with treasures of all sorts.

::

**Bowser: Such as…..**

**Dedede: Stop complaining you overweight reptile.**

**Bowser: I'm just asking, geez!**

**Dedede; And I'm an emperor penguin.**

**::**

However, instead of Waddle Dees coming out to greet him, it was Koopas. After about…an hour or so, Bowser was laughing with glee, and his stomach was bulging…

::

**Dedede: Can you even see your stomach? I thought it was hidden away in that great, big, lunk of thing you call a shell!**

**Bowser: Shut it tubby!**

**::**

…And when he went to go say 'Waddle Dee Mountain', he said, 'Koopalis Mountain' twice. He said 'Koopalis' instead of 'Waddle Dee' because of pure instinct.

After all, who lives in Koopalis for 20 or so years and doesn't follow the trend the residents keep for their mountain? Plus the fact that Koopas came out to give him gold instead of Waddle Dees.

…

No one.

::

**Dedede: Oh my- Oh- *cough* You're, you're, you're so stupid!**

**Bowser: And there goes my reputation…**

**Dedede: Whoa. You actually had one?**

**::**

So while Bowser panicked, the boulder/entrance began to open, and one by one, Dry Bones began to flood through.

Koopas that had been so attentive to Bowser's needs had been frozen for a few seconds before fleeing to go get numerous amounts of treasures for the newcomers. Dry Bones Two…

::

**Bowser: Two?**

_**Let's say that-**_

**Dedede: WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU WANT WITH US YOU CRAZY-!**

**::**

…began to grin maliciously at the overgrown reptile, and hissed out, "Do you really think we don't know that you've been coming in here? Those Koopas would've had our treasure the millisecond we were in, plus we would've smelled the food those foolish Waddle Dees would've cooked the minute were we in here."

Bowser began to protest his innocence, "No! That was my bro-!"

::

**Dedede: …**

**Bowser: …**

**Dedede: That was…strangely humorous in a sadistic way.**

**Bowser: I'm going to die, huh?**

**::**

"SILENCE YOU OVERGROWN EXCUSE FOR A KOOPA!" Dry Bones Three roared out, and summoned…

::

**Bowser: END. FINITE. **

**Dedede: This must be a running gag…ending some stories with vague endings.**

**

* * *

**

(1) 'FOO!' Comes directly out of my classmate's mouth at the most unusual of times. Several classmates, actually.

So true Dedede...Well, that ends this particular tale, and only...204 to go...

I have half a mind to just do all the stupid short stories first! And only 4 requests to go...That's lovely.

**RawkHawk2.0, your request is next, and I'm certainly going to do _both_ of your requests in two short stories...Expect two chapters next time, readers.**

**R&R!**


	8. The Willful Child

**The Willful Child**

**Or**

**Link, the Willful**

**I don't own anything. RawkHawk2.0's request begins, both ways! Oh, late response to a certain question. **

**Q: You know Sheik's a girl, right?**

**A: Sheik's gender is ambiguous. Most people like to think Sheik's a girl, and that's perfect for me. It's just that **_**that**_** story was fine for a male Sheik. This story would've worked too, but then that would've been repetitive. **

**::**

**Link: I can't believe I was dragged into this **_**again**_**!**

**Ganondorf: Could it be that bad?**

**Link: No, but that's because I got to be awesome last time. There's no doubt that I'll be ridiculed this time….**

**Ganondorf: That **_**is**_** troubling.**

**::**

There was once a child who was incredibly willful, and never listened to his mother.

::

**Ganondorf: MOTHER?**

**Link: HA! OLD LADY!**

**Ganondorf: Some good better come outta this…**

**::**

The child's name was Link, and he was so willful, he touched the oven once right in front of his mom!

::

**Ganondorf: Naughty little git, weren't you?**

**Link: Shut it, _grandma_.**

**Ganondorf: Grandma? I was portrayed as a _mother. _Link.**

**::**

Kirby, who was acting as a substitute for Lord Pit _and_ for St. Ness, as they was temporarily busied with some unusual occurrences with a _certain_ gambler.

::

**Link: There's a direct reference…**

**Ganondorf: Kirby's acting as God now? I'm frightened for the kitchens right now...**

**::**

Unfortunately, Kirby spotted Link wasting Moo-Moo milk by spilling it on the ground, and by no means, Kirby absolutely **loved** Moo-Moo milk. Angrily, Kirby looked at a collection of candles…

::

**Link: Another reference?**

**Ganondorf: To another story. Let's say that candles represent your life right now.**

**::**

…and spotted a small candle with the name 'Link' carved into it. Kirby inhaled, and blew out a rather potent breath that smelled strangely of apples.

The candle's flame flickered, and began to die.

::

**Link: May Sheik have mercy on my short, little life…**

**Ganondorf: Nah, I think Sheik's gonna let you die.**

**::**

Meanwhile, Link was suddenly sick, and had to go to his little truckle bed for some time. For about ten months or so, Link was sick with the flu, and then…

::

**Ganondorf: You died.**

**Link: …What a contrast compared to my other story.**

**Ganondorf: So what happened next?**

**Link: I have a better question, why let me rot in my bed for ten months?**

**Ganondorf: Because Kirby decided to punish you since you wasted heavenly good Moo-Moo Milk.**

**::**

When Link died, the gravediggers,

::

**Link: Gravediggers?**

**Ganondorf: Stop questioning.**

**::**

, dug the grave, they lowered Link in hastily, and covered him with fresh dirt.

::

**Link: Just for the sake of lengthening this story, how long was the original?**

**Ganondorf: Give or take 500 or more words.**

**Link: So we have to match the same length?**

**Ganondorf: Or more. You never know.**

**Link: Mmph.**

**::**

Immediately, Link's arm popped out of the freshly covered ground. The hand looked gaunt, and his fingers were in a 'claw' shaped form.

::

**Link: Ugh…That's disgusting!**

**Ganondorf: 'Ugh…' That's life, kid.**

**::**

The gravediggers covered more fresh dirt over it, but the same thing happened again.

And again.

And again.

::

**Ganondorf & Link: SHUT UP!**

**::**

Until Ganondorf finally took out her old mallet, and whacked (_**I love that word…)**_ Link's arm with it. With that, Link's arm never rose again, and his entire body stayed underground for eternity.

::

**Ganondorf: Correction. Until he **_**decomposes**_**.**

**Link: Yeah, you'd like when you freaking whacked my arm, didn't you!**

**Ganondorf: All I want the answer to is why I didn't use my sword to _hack_ your little gaunt arm off.**

**::**

Of course, bodies DO decompose before the eternity comes, so Link's body was actually eaten voraciously by those teeny tiny little grubs.

::

**Ganondorf: *Retch***

**Link: *Shudder***

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed that little short drabble, because here are the next two chapters AKA short little drabbles I felt like doing! **

**I will upload the next two drabbles (Still RawkHawk2.0) or the next two days. Then that'll leave me a week or so for the next. R&R!**


	9. Odds and Ends

**Leftovers of Flax**

**I hope you enjoyed that little short drabble, because here's the next chapter! I will upload the next drabble (Still RawkHawk2.0) tomorrow! Then that'll leave me a week or so for the next. R&R!**

**I don't own anything except my lovely computer. (THANK YOU TOSHIBA! [AND MY PARENTS]**

**This little story will have Peachy as a good little girl, and Zelda her opposite!**

**EDITED AS OF TODAY IT WAS UPDATED BECAUSE THIS WAS ALL BOLDED AND ITALICIZED. (Sorry for it bothering you...)**

**::**

**Zelda: …**

**Peach: …**

**What? You guys should be happy! Or at least Peach should…**

**::**

Zelda was a fine specimen…

**::**

**Zelda: DON'T REFER ME AS AN EXPERIMENT!**

**::**

Ahem.

Zelda was a pretty girl, but incredibly indolent and careless. She came from the wealthy family Harikinian.

**::**

**Peach: I think you spelled it wrong?**

**Zelda: No, of course she didn't!**

**Peach: Really?**

**Zelda: *Groans***

::

One day, she was sent off to spin some flax.

**::**

**Peach: Mmph…How long does this story go on?**

**Zelda: Meh, 500 words or more.**

**::**

Since she was so lazy and careless…

**::**

**Peach: Seems like it's based on you…**

**Zelda: I wouldn't bet on it…**

**Peach: I bet…**

**Zelda: Don't become a Luigi, will you?**

**::**

…plus extremely short on patience that day, whenever Zelda encountered a knot in the flax, she simply tore it out and strewed it on the floor.

"Worthless bits!" Zelda scoffed haughtily.

This happened numerous of times, and each time it did, Zelda grew more and more irritable.

Until late in the afternoon, Zelda stood abruptly from her place at the (loom?)

**::**

**Zelda: C'mon…you don't know whether I use a loom or spinning wheel?**

**Peach: She does live in a modern age, Zelda.**

**Zelda: I would've expected her to do some research at the very least!**

**Hey, I AM doing a bit of research for this one oneshot!**

**Peach and Zelda: Doesn't seem like it.**

**No wait, it's actually another story.**

**Peach and Zelda: WHAT THE-!**

**::**

And walked away, huffing at the loom. After a few minutes, Peach, her exact opposite, quietly walked in, and strove to make the flax into a beautiful, smooth dress.

Later, she was rewarded with said beautiful dress.

**Sometime later…**

**::**

**Peach: Why does she do that…?**

**Zelda: Why are you asking me…?**

**Because-!**

**Zelda: Answer why Bowser and Dedede dislike the author, 'Because she always butts in whenever they discuss something evil.'**

**Peach: Don't forget the fact she always sends chibi pictures of them to the mansion!**

**::**

A handsome, bushy mustache man came striding up a dusty, dirty path leading up to their house. He was a bit round in the middle, and Zelda became immediately smitten with him, although he didn't reciprocate her feelings.

**::**

**Peach: ZELDA!**

**Zelda: I wouldn't fall for Mario of all people, Peach! **

**Peach: 'Smitten with him', ZELDA?**

**Zelda: Blame her! She's typing us right now!**

***Looks nervous* Shut up Zelda…**

**::**

During their wedding party (Which Zelda planned out, obviously.), Mario and Zelda began to whirl around in a slow dance. When the music began to go faster, Zelda began to grow faint, and Mario was obliged to wait until she recovered her breath.

**::**

**Peach: Are you that winded easily?**

**Zelda: Pff, no.**

**Peach: Really?**

**Zelda: Peach, I know you've seen me use the Light Arrow flawlessly without having any side effects, so hush, and let the author finish, then we can both go back to that lovely Jacuzzi you showed me.**

**::**

While waiting, Mario spotted Peach dancing alone…

**::**

**Zelda: No comment.**

**Peach: Liar, you just commented.**

**Zelda: Hey-!**

**::**

…dressed in that flax dress. He mentioned it to Zelda, and she replied dismissively, "Ah, that's my servant girl, probably dressed in my leftovers of flax."

Mario's eyes rose, and he inquired how she could be dressed in 'leftovers'. Zelda pulled a face and said, "Those 'leftovers' were scraps from knotted flax I had while I was weaving."

**::**

**Peach: The author…she hesitated…**

**Zelda: *Distractedly* Mhm?**

**Peach: …Are you listening?**

**Zelda: Ah, no, just looking at some funny observations of Samus and Snake.**

**Peach: Ooh, have you read that one fic where someone pairs you with-?**

**::**

Instantly, Mario could see that Peach the servant girl was far more industrious than his newlywed wife, therefore called off the wedding.

**::**

**Peach: Hm…**

**Zelda: 'Hm…?' You should be jumping for joy right now!**

**Peach: No…I was just reminded of something…**

**Zelda: Save your reminiscing for later.**

**::**

The couple merrily lived a happy life together, while Zelda found an equally less industrious man then her, and lived an unhappy life with her tormenting the man.

Oh yes, the man's name was G-

**::**

**Zelda: Don't finish that name.**

**Peach: I agree, it would be terrible to be paired with him.**

**Zelda: Oh yeah, Peach?**

**Peach: Hm?**

**Zelda: Kick the author out for a sec, won't ya?**

**Peach: Gladly. **

**I'll be back tomorrow, FOOS! *cackles madly* **

**_

* * *

_**

**There ya go! Enjoy this, and the next one which will include-!**

**_Avakris- Don't tell 'em!_**

**_Candi- Agreed!_**

**_...R&R!_**


	10. Brides on Trial

**Brides on Trial**

**Or**

**Help from Plucky**

::

**Peach: Nooooo…**

**Zelda: …FML.**

**Peach: Never thought you one for abbreviations.**

**Zelda: It comes on when I get tired.**

**::**

A young chicken herder who went by the name of Link, tended chickens. But not just any chickens.

**Magical **chickens.

::

**Zelda: Peach, she's lost her mind!**

**Peach: Wasn't it supposed to be his mom that advised him who to take as his wife?**

**Zelda: Yep.**

**::**

One day, Link was currently bemoaning his bad luck to one of the chickens he lovingly named…Plucky. "I want to get married, but how do I find the right wife out of three?"

::

**Zelda: Indeed.**

**Peach: So…magical chickens help?**

**Zelda: Hn. I guess that fastfood area won't sell those delicious sandwiches anymore?**

**Peach: No. Seems like we turn back to cattle for our burgers now!**

**Zelda: You're supposed to be on a diet!**

**::**

Plucky smacked his shin with a heavy wing. "You're so dramatic. Just use-!"

::

**Peach: Chicken?**

**Zelda: No! They wouldn't advertise their own kind…**

**Peach: …**

**Zelda: Would they?**

**Peach: Don't doubt the impossible…**

**Zelda: Unless encountered by that revolving door problem.**

**::**

"…Cheese." Plucky clucked disapproving of the obvious commentary.

::

**Zelda: Gah! How do they know we're here?**

**Peach: Weren't you listening? It's a magical chicken.**

**Zelda: Magical enough to figure out we're watching?**

**Peach: DON'T DOUBT PLUCKY'S ABILITIES!**

**::**

So Link rounded up three women he knew, two with bright blonde hair, and one brunette, and brought them to his house. His house was a small cottage, and very dirty with all his grass stained clothes.

::

**Zelda: I'm not gonna bother guessing who's who.**

**Peach: *Rattles off ignoring Zelda* Samus (There's an obvious), you, and me!**

**Zelda: I wasn't aware my hair got changed!**

**Meh, too bad, you've got brown hair now.**

**Zelda: Curse you!**

**::**

He graciously set a slice of cheese (with the rind on it) on a porcelain plate before them.

The first blonde, Peach, bolted the slice of cheese down the entire thing ravenously.

Nevertheless, Link was revolted at how fast she bolted it down.

::

**Zelda: Hungry?**

**Peach: Don't bother.**

**::**

The second, Samus, cut off the rind off the cheese, but cut most of the good part out.

::

**Peach: Oh? I would've thought the author would put Samus as the first woman.**

**Zelda: Apparently, the author wanted to make up for the-!**

**TA DA! SPECIAL PERSON!**

**Samus: WHAT THE FUDGE AM I DOING HERE?**

**Exactly what I want you to do! :D**

**Samus: *Gawks* O-Oh snap…**

::

Again, Link was revolted, but less so. If his wife couldn't cut or eat cheese correctly…

**::**

**Peach: Mm…Isn't it more like Samus to bolt down the cheese whole?**

**Samus: No, it's not. It's more like the **_**men**_** to eat the entire thing.**

**Zelda: I can only imagine what happens next.**

**::**

Lastly, the third one, Zelda, cut off the rind of the cheese, but avoided doing the same mistake Samus did.

Link was pleased, and excused himself for a few seconds. Going outside a small door, he stage whispered to Plucky. "Found one!"

Plucky, amused, scampered close to Link, and nuzzled his hand. " Such a good boy!" the chicken squawked, and ran away.

Link smiled deviously. "I'm going to need some special dinner tonight…And you're the fattest chicken."

::

**Peach, Zelda, & Samus: Dear Sheik…protect this poor chicken…**

**

* * *

****END. (Let's hope this doesn't turn out as bad as the others.) Again, my apologies to the reviewers who attempted to read last chapter, and found it seriously flawed! A short drabble, but at least longer then 'The Other Side' which is a big plus.**

**(Along with that 'Link, the Willful'…) So…four more requests to go, two of them long stories (in my opinion) !**

**Right, so review this, see if it's better than the last two, and most of all, enjoy~  
**


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